Why I Will Never Become a Nagging Wife

 Good communication is a must for a couple who desires to have a successful and happy marriage.  This is something that I have found to be very true not only in my own marriage but with marriages I have seen end in failure.  I believe that good communication requires:

  • patience
  • understanding
  • compromise
  • respect 

When communication between you and your spouse lacks these four things it opens your marriage up to hurt and degradation.  Nagging is definitely an example of this form of communication.  I've stated before that nagging happens for 1 of 3 reasons: 

You have fears that may or may not be irrational.

  For example your spouse loves fried food and in your fear for his/her health you constantly remind them of the ramifications of eating fried food every chance you get.

You want to see change in your loved one.

 For example, your spouse works long hours and has been for years.  You feel that your spouse deserves a promotion. So every day when your spouse gets home from work you inform your spouse that he/she needs to ask their boss about a promotion.

You are in pain and you want to bring pain to the ones around you.

By far this is the most aggressive and destructive form of nagging.  This type of nagging is done mainly for self-benefit and there is not much help that is being done.  This type of nagging may benefit greatly from family counseling because there may be underlining issues that need to addressed.

The key thing to remember with all of these examples is that nagging doesn't work. There is no way that you can nag someone into permanent change without consequences.  What are those consequences?

It Causes You and Your Spouse to Start Questioning Your Relationship. 

Nagging effects both parties involved because both feel that the other is not understanding how they feel.   It makes both parties leery of each other and makes them want to avoid each other at all cost.    So instead of a couple spending quality time together and enjoying each others company, they find ways not to be together.

You Create a Wall of Resentment

I talk all the time about how destructive resentment can be in a relationship.  It is a true destroyer of relationships.  And why wouldn't it be?  Resentment brings negative and damaging emotions (hatred or anger) to the table every day of marriage.  It makes for a very toxic environment to live in.

Short-lived Changes That Put You Right Back in the Position of Nagging Again

This is a cycle that can keep your marriage in a constant state of irritation and displeasure.

You Shake the Confidence of Your Spouse. 

As life-mates in marriage we should always want to do everything we can to encourage and build up our spouses, in a positive manner.  But, when you choose to constantly nag, you bring down your spouse in a very negative way. 

Have you and your spouse ever had a problem with nagging?