Statements & Questions That Could Make your Spouse Uncomfortable
No matter how long a couple is married, it's still a work in progress. At least, that's how my husband and I see it. Even after 19 years of marriage. That includes communicating in a way that doesn't produce uncomfortable and hurt feelings to your spouse.
Let's be honest. We have said some things to our spouse that we are not exactly proud of. However, it's important to understand that communicating with toxic phrases, especially in a frequent manner, can cause lasting damage to a marriage foundation.
Listed below, are phrases that all married couples should avoid at all times. As always my fellow couples, Keep it Hot!
Don't compare your spouse to someone else.
"You Should Be More Like ____."
Comparison is a slow killer of relationships. Making a statement like this means that some form of comparison has taken place. Never a good idea. Let's be real. No one wants to hear how they need to be like someone else. I know I don't. If one is looking to truly encourage their spouse avoid starting a sentence off this way. Look for more encouraging and edifying words to use with your spouse.
Avoid the negative talk of your spouse's family members.
"I DON'T LIKE YOUR MOTHER."
Avoid the negative talk of your spouse's family members. Most people do not want to hear any negativity in regards to the woman/man whom brought them into this world, even if there is just cause. Use sensitivity in regards to your spouse’s mom/father. Looking for some tips to having a better relationship with your in-laws? Check out the Ten Basic Rules For Dealing With In-laws from Family Education.
Avoid being overly critical of your spouse's decisions
"ARE YOU STUPID?"
If you want your spouse to shut down on you, this is a great question to ask. Believe me. You know how they say it's important to have tact when working with people? Well, the same is needed for marriage. The choice of words that we use with our spouses can either lift them up or bring them down. So choose words that are meant to uplift and not put down.
AVOID THE JUDGEMENT OF YOUR SPOUSE'S FRIENDS
"YOU'RE FRIEND IS A LOSER"
Be very careful with this. Unless you were there every step of their friendship this may be an unfair statement, especially if they have years of shared history. Have confidence in your spouse that there is a good reason they are friends.
Don't ignore your sex life
This statement is not necessarily a bad one, however just make sure your spouse is not hearing this every night! Sex is a natural process of marriage and when sex becomes nonexistent you are guaranteed to have problems that can escalate very quickly.
DON'T REDUCE YOUR SPOUSE'S FEELINGS
"STOP BEING SENSITIVE."
This statement may seem like its trying to help the situation, but in actuality it's not. This statement tends to make the receiver of it feel like their feelings are not being taken into consideration or even validated.
For married couples to have good communication, it requires a sort of open door policy that requires absolutely no judgement. However, when making a statement like "Stop being so sensitive.", it tends to shut down the receiver sharing their thoughts and prevents vulnerability from taking place.
DON'T MAKE YOUR SPOUSE FEEL LIKE A LOSER
"I TOLD YOU SO..."
This is one of those statements that should never come to life in your marriage. And why should it? This statement basically says to your spouse, "I'm smarter than you." Where's the good in that? When this statement is made it also comes off as something a know-it-all would say. And last time I checked, there is nothing sexy about thinking you know the answers to everything.