Keeping Negativity Out Of Your Marriage

Keeping Negativity Out Of Your Marriage

Keeping your marriage free of negativity is not an easy venture, but it's so worth the effort.  It soars your marriage to an everlasting stage that keeps getting better with time!  Your marriage is one of the most profound relationships that you will ever have and deserves to be treated that way, every day. 

Listed below or some tips that can help you and your spouse keep negativity out of your marriage.  And as always, Keep It Hot!

Avoid Nagging

Always complaining, scolding or constantly finding fault is an easy way for your marriage to start feeling like a prison to your spouse.  Nagging happens because of one of three things:

1.  You have fears that may or may not be irrational.  For example your spouse loves fried food and in your fear for his/her health you constantly remind them of the ramifications of eating fried food every chance you get.

2.  You want to see change in your loved one.  For example, your spouse works long hours and has been for years.  You feel that your spouse deserves a promotion. So every day when your spouse gets home from work you inform your spouse that he/she needs to ask their boss about a promotion.

3.  You are in pain and you want to bring pain to the ones around you. By far this is the most aggressive and destructive form of nagging.  This type of nagging is done mainly for self-benefit and there is not much help that is being done.  This type of nagging may benefit greatly from family counseling because there may be underlining issues that need to addressed.

The thing to remember with all of these examples is that nagging doesn't work. There is no way that you can nag someone into permanent change without consequences.  What are those consequences?  Short-lived changes that put you right back in the position of nagging again, you weaken your relationship with your spouse and you shake the confidence of your spouse. 

Surrounding Your Marriage With Negative People

Negativity begets negativity, no question about it.  Who you choose to surround your marriage with should be something that you and your spouse should handle with care.  I say handle with care because sometimes you may find that some of your own family members may be the ones that pull you down into a negative spiral.  So learn how to accept your family members limitations and understand that you don't have to mimic their actions.  Set healthy boundaries that you and your spouse are comfortable with and limit the time that you spend with them.  There is nothing wrong with loving them from a distance.  Take charge of your life by always practicing positivity in your marriage.

Comparing Your Marriage To Other Marriages 

Your marriage is unique and special and trying to compare your marriage to others can make you lose sight of that.  It can also lead to discontentment and lead you to say and do things that are not motivated by the love that you have for each other.  Learn how to set positive goals together not because you are trying to be like other marriages but because you are trying to have the marriage that would be pleasing to God.

Lack Of Faith 

Your marriage journey is not always going to be an easy one.  My husband and I have been married for 15 years and while its been the greatest joy in my life I could never describe it as being easy.  Trials and tribulations have occurred and the way that my husband and I have been able to stay grounded is having faith that God would see us through.  Without this faith I truly believe that our marriage would have ended years ago.  You and your spouse having a relationship with God is the most important aspect of your marriage and it can never lead you wrong. 

Resentment

Past hurts that may have been inflicted by your spouse is a trying time indeed for your marriage.  The key to letting go of those hurts is to truly forgive and move on. Forgiving is not always easy.  But, it's a necessary process if you want to have a happy and successful marriage.  Avoid trying to seek revenge or retribution, throwing the mistake back in your spouse's face at a later time, or using the mistake to start and create arguments. Forgiveness makes you strong it does not make you weak, and it does not condone the behavior of your spouse. It does allow you to be happy and move on from the hurt in a healthy and loving way and with time builds the fortitude in your marriage.  Consider counseling if you find that you need assistance with letting go of resentment. 

Not Being Appreciative Of Each Other

When there is a lack of appreciation in your marriage, someone if not the both of you, will start to feel not valued and misunderstood.  Both of you have important roles that you bring to your marriage and it's important for those roles to be looked upon in a positive manner.  Saying thank you,  complimenting good actions, and showing consideration are an important element in your marriage that should never be ignored.

Lack Of Effective Communication

 Effective communication involves listening to what is being said and what is not and responding with calm emotional awareness. It's important to pay attention to not only your emotions but those of your spouse when communicating.  At all times try to avoid negative emotions.  You and your spouse should be able to talk to each other free from judgement and condemnation, even when in disagreement. That means creating an environment in your marriage that feels safe to express ideas, opinions, and problems.  By doing this you and your spouse will be able to better connect with each other through the good and bad times

Lack Of Quality Time Spent Together 

Our lives tend to get swamped with our careers, raising children and just living every day life.  But, it's important not to let any of these things disable you and your spouse from spending quality time together.  That is why I am such a big advocate of Date Night.  Date Night is a great time to slow things down and gives you and your spouse an opportunity to relish in each others company.   Another good way to spend quality time together is to eat at least one meal together every day. Whether its breakfast, lunch or dinner this is an allotted time that is great for marriage connection.

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