Intimacy in marriage. It's that beautiful relationship connector that promotes comfort, familiarity and affection. At least, that's how I define it. But, sometimes life can get so busy that intimacy is put on the back burner of priorities. So how do couples avoid this from happening? Well, it first requires time. Without allotted time for togetherness, intimacy is impossible. Another thing that is needed is a foundation of trust. Couples need to know that they can trust their spouses with their most inner most private thoughts, desires and feelings. Last but not least is communication. The lack of good communication can create misunderstandings, confusion and even hurt feelings; neither of which allow the growth of intimacy in marriage.
I breakdown intimacy in marriage by three different "zones". The ColdZone, The WarmZone, and the HotZone. So, what are the zones of intimacy in marriage? Well, I define the zones as:
This zone doesn't see a lot of loving interactions or good communication within the marriage. This zone is where couples are just going through the motions of marriage but are really not there in mind or spirit. They rarely find time to be together emotionally and it becomes less of a concern each day. There is no acknowledgement of compromise or appreciation. Divorce becomes a huge deciding factor in this zone. Marriage intimacy is cold in this zone.
This zone is where married couples have okay communication but doesn't happen as often as it could. Couples in this zone know making time for date night is important but still allow it to be put on the back burner sometimes. The same can be said for affection and appreciation. The sex is okay, both parties still getting the job done, but just going about it in a routinely kind of way. Marriage intimacy is warm in this zone.
This zone is where communication is on a best friend level. They feel very comfortable talking about anything and everything. Couples in this zone make it a priority to go on date nights often and enjoy spending as much time together as possible. They are passionate for each other and make it known by their every day actions. They simply enjoy seeing the other happy. Couples in this zone also have great satisfaction in their sex life. They relish in the pleasure and closeness that having sex brings to their marriage. They feel thankful to be in each others lives.
The HotZone brings the H.E.A.T. in four different ways:
Honesty - The relationship is built on honesty and trust and not lies/dishonesty. Both parties are open to showing each other their vulnerabilities by trusting each other with their thoughts, feelings and desires.
Effort - All the best intentions in the world are no good if real effort is not made. In this zone couples understand and live by that concept. It's like I've previously stated, "A great marriage requires great effort from two."
Attention - Staying aware of each other is key in this relationship. This promotes attentiveness in their relationship that allows for better communication, understanding and appreciation of each other.
Touch - Touching often is not uncommon in this relationship. It communicates their love for each other, with no words spoken. It connects the two in an emotional and physical way and every touch is a reminder of that.
So my fellow couples, are you and your spouse in the HotZone?
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