Are You and Your Spouse Communicating Effectively?

What do you consider to be important components of a happy marriage?  Most would agree that love, trust and commitment are needed for a happy marriage to exist.  There is also another component that is necessary for a happy marriage to prosper and that is communication.  I am not just talking about any type of communication, I am talking about Good Communication.  

What is Good Communication?  I define Good Communication as a loving, healthy and respectful way to express your thoughts and feelings to each other.  Whether you are recently married or have been married for many years, good communication is needed for the relationship to grow, prosper and be healthy.

What Are The Benefits of Good Communication?  

It Encourages Deeper Understanding.  One thing that I have learned in life is that with knowledge comes understanding. Good communication in a marriage is key to understanding what motivates your spouse's actions, feelings and thinking processes.

It Encourages Strong Friendship.  Good communication has this way of allowing you to know your spouse better than anyone else.  Why is that?  Because it allows the both of you to talk about anything and everything just like best friends do!  And like a best friend it allows the two of you to encourage each other, motivate each other and counsel each other. 

It Throws Assumptions Out The Window.  When Good Communication is injected in marriage, assumptions become a thing of the past.  Guessing games are no longer needed when husband and wife are sharing their inner feelings and thoughts.  

It Increases Marital Satisfaction. The best marriages have the best communication methods in their marriage.  In fact, research shows that couples who communicate effectively in a consistent manner are more happier, healthier and live longer lives.  On the other when there is not Good Communication in marriage, expression of thoughts, concerns and feelings are not always done in an effective manner. With time this form of communication becomes a tool for creating hurt, confusion and discord within marriage.  

Having Good Communication in your marriage is not something that I can be accomplished over night, it takes time and effort. However, an effort towards it every day is a choice that needs to be made if a happy and successful marriage is the outcome you and your spouse are looking for.  

Ways To Increase Good Communication

Listen to What is Being Said and What is Not

When communication lines are open with you and your spouse it is so important to not let your mind wander or become distracted.  Your spouse should always feel that what he/she says is important to you. Don't just wait for the opportunity to chime in on what you want to say. Seek to truly understand the thoughts your spouse is conveying to you.  

Avoid Sarcasm/ Condescension When In Disagreement

Communicating in a superior (condescending) manner towards your spouse can easily escalate a disagreement into a full blown argument that can get real ugly.  In a happy marriage, there is no place for condescending communication.  doesn't work for Remember, that even though you may be having a disagreement, you should never forget that your spouse deserves your respect and love.  Being sarcastic when communicating only poisons what is being said. Communication with sarcasm can inflict hurt feelings and mistrust, which in turn can never be effective in a happy marriage.  

Choose the Right Moment

There is a time and place for everything. For example, lovemaking is not the time to talk about a call you received from your child’s teacher.   The right time consists of an opportunity where the both of you can actively listen to what the other is saying. 

Avoid Being Angry 

Rational thought flies out of the window when you try communicate in an angry manner. It is completely ineffective accept in one regard, it makes you look foolish.

Be Respectful

Remember who you are talking to.  Your spouse is important to you and for that you should always aim to communicate with your spouse in a respectful manner.  Even when in disagreement, respect can still be alive and present in your conversation.  

Watch Your Body Language 

Research has shown that good communication is not simply about what is being said, but the body language of the person. When one or both parties conveys with their body that they are not interested in what the other is saying,  it can completely shut down the conversation.  Avoid things like; lack of eye contact, turning your back on your spouse, crossing your arms, blank stares, playing the video game, texting, etc.  Take the time to show your spouse your love and respect by listening to what is being said and responding to what is being said.