The 7 C's of an Intimate Marriage

Intimacy.  One word that packs quite a punch in a happy and successful marriage.  As well it should.  It's what I have found that separates the good marriages from the great marriages.  Couples that have intimate marriages make spending time together a high priority.  All THE TIME.  So its not surprising that the first step in building intimacy in marriage is spending more quality time together.  Notice that I said spending QUALITY time together. I say this because if a couples time together involves little to no communication (on a regular basis), intimacy has a difficult time to grow and mature.   I have also found, through my own marriage, that there are few other things that helps encourage intimacy growth.  

Communicate Effectively With Each Other

Whenever my advice is asked from friends or family about their marriages, the first thing that I always ask is, "how is the communication in your marriage?"  I ask this because communication is a very huge factor in all aspects of marriage.  When couples communicate in an effective way, it reduces or eliminates misunderstandings, confusion, assumptions, unfair expectations, resentment and nagging.  As you can see, most of things that I just mentioned are some of the main reasons why divorce becomes an option for many couples.  A few ways to practice effective communication are:

  • Have an open door policy
  • Be respectful in the words you choose
  • Listen to what is being said and what is not
  • Avoid being argumentative
  • Keep an open mind
  • Avoid judgement

Cognizant Of Each Other

Staying knowledgeable of each others feelings and emotional well being is essential for creating intimacy in marriage.  One important way that my spouse and I stay aware of each others feelings is making sure to "Check In" with each other.  What does "Check In" mean? Checking in means asking certain questions that gauge how your spouse is feeling and about the relationship you share.  Three questions that we use are: 

  • Do you feel loved everyday by me?
  • Do you feel secure in our marriage?
  • Do you feel desired by me?

These questions check to make sure that your spouse is feeling loved and cherished every day.  This checks your actions to make sure that they reflect how valuable your spouse is to you.  No assumptions needed.  If the answer is not "yes" to the questions above, then this is a great opportunity for your marriage.  Yes, I said a great opportunity because this is an opportunity for you and your spouse to communicate with each other about the feelings you both have and make positive changes where needed.   

Committed To Each Other

When two get married, they make a promise to each other to stay loyal or in other words, make a commit to each other.  Intimate and happy marriages take this to heart every single day.  For example, my husband and I view our marriage as a gift from God.  So staying strong in our commitment is the thanks we show God for bringing us together.  That commitment shows through our actions with each other and with the people who surround us.  So whether it be good times or bad times, we stand together.  

"Never letting go is the mantra of happily married couples." - Brela Delahoussaye

Celebrate Each Other

Being with my husband for almost 20 years (18 of those years married) we have seen each other accomplish personal goals and overcome personal obstacles.   Those moments and other like that are energetically supported and encouraged in a loving manner towards each other.  We have a support system that encourages making our dreams and goals come true.  We are each others biggest cheerleaders.  

Collaborate With Each Other

Working together effectively toward common goals or problem solving is a huge plus in the success of marriage.  I have found that collaborating with my spouse promotes a sense of compromise and togetherness in my marriage.  By collaborating, we are able to gain new insights and look at different perspectives in a cooperating and compromising environment.  This is an enrichment to our marriage we utilize whenever it is needed and its a testament to our respect of each others opinions.  

Cherish Each Other

Showing your spouse love and care through words and actions is a necessity for success in marriage.  It is so important that every day both parties of marriage feel loved, respected and appreciated.  Cherishing each other is a huge component for creating and building an intimate marriage. When spouses feels loved and secure in their relationship, it promotes a comfort level for both parties that allows couples to be vulnerable and more open with each other. 

Consistent With Each Other

Continuous actions of love and honor from both parties of marriage is what I call Good Consistency in Marriage.  Having Good Consistency helps keeps the the flow of connectivity active and fresh in marriages.  It also deters stagnation from entering in. This is a very important factor as stagnation is a killer of relationships.  Stagnation promotes a sense of "giving up" on a relationship by creating discord on an emotional and physical level.  Bottom line, it destroys marriages.  

"The fire that your marriage begins with should never be put out." - Brela Delahoussaye