5 Causes of Conflict In Marital Growth

Conflict. One word that can negatively alter a relationship.  Especially marriage.  I have found that just like life, marriage is not easy and it sure is not for sissies!  It requires daily attention, focus and no shortcuts.

For example, if you are looking to being promoted at your job, you make sure that you are on time every day, you make sure that your work is error free and sometimes you even put in a little overtime to show how dedicated you are.  The same applies to a happy and successful marriage!  Without work and effort your marriage has an increasing chance of failing and ending up in divorce court.

Below are five things that I have found that slowly set you apart from your spouse.


Lack Of Time Spent Together 

The two most important factors that involves cultivating a marriage filled with happiness, requires the presence of both parties.  But, not just being together is good enough.  It's more about spending quality time together, and enjoying the presence of the other.  But, when time is not made to be with each other, it has the ability to cause true conflict in marriage. 


Unrealistic Expectations 

Oh, the trouble of with unrealistic expectations.  They go hand in hand with assumptions.  You expect something that you assume your spouse already knows or/and understands.  At times, people come to some unrealistic expectations about how he/she feels things should be in the marriage.  The problem with this is that when the marriage doesn't line up with those expectations, it can motivate conflict in your marriage.  


Resenting Your Spouse 

Resentment is to marriage what air pollution is to mankind, toxic.  It’s what I consider a slow but very lethal weapon against marriages.  The key to not allowing resentment to build up in your marriage is to communicate in a way that is healthy to your marriage.  Express your concerns and always be open to forgiving.  As Ruth Bell Graham quoted, “A Happy Marriage is the union of Two Good Forgivers.”  Resentment can also lead to a path of disrespect not only in regards to your spouse but to your marriage in general. 

Lack Of Intimacy & Sex  

Whether you are newly married or have been married for years, it is always important to never stop romancing your spouse! Romancing your spouse keeps the love affair hot and reaffirms your love for your spouse.  Also, when there is a lack of intimacy in your marriage, it can become the equivalent of  living with a roommate.  You share many things because you live in the same house but, unless more effort is made, you really don’t know their thoughts, concerns are motives for everyday living.


Trying To Change Your Spouse 

Trying to change your spouse is a slippery, slippery road to travel in your marriage.  It can truly cause more damage than good to a marriage and it gives intimacy no room to grow.  How could it?

To love and marry someone, you must accept the essence of the other person; you must accept who he or she is. You can push for change at the periphery, but not at the core. Marriage is a package deal; you don’t get a line-item veto over your partner’s personality where you can discard the traits you don’t like.
— Andrew Christensen, professor of psychology at UCLA