Sometimes we don't even see it. Sometimes we don't even realize it. But, laziness in marriage is way more complex than just keeping the house clean. It's about giving the best efforts possible to you and your marriage. But, sometimes recognizing when laziness has crept in is not as easy as it would seem. This is especially true when you and your spouse have acclimated yourselves to a steady daily routine. Several years into my marriage my husband and I fell into a routine that was perfect for our work schedules, our children and family. This routine however, did not allow my husband and I quality time together. Once we realized that we had not been out in months together alone, we knew we needed to make a change. So we had to step out of our comfortable zone and make quality time alone together a priority in our marriage. This meant avoiding long work hours when we could, scheduling date nights and communicating about more than just about our children, work and the bills.
I've listed below a few other ways to determine if laziness has crept in your marriage. If it has, remember if you and your spouse want something different you both have to do something different. And as always my fellow couples, Keep it Hot!
Romance Died A Long Time Ago
Once upon a time you and your spouse used to do romantic things together like holding hands while walking in the park, watching television wrapped up in each others arms, massaging each other with a little happy ending or whatever you and your spouse considered to be romantic. But, now things are different. You can't remember the last time you and your spouse had a romantic moment. Maybe you and your spouse are parents now and there never seems to be enough time. Maybe your career is time consuming and leaves you little down time. I get it, I've been there. My husband and I are parents of seven children. So let me say it again, I get it. However, these are not good enough reasons to let the romance die in your relationship with your spouse. Being married does not mean that the romance is over. Prioritization is key to keeping your marriage full of the romantic moments that you and your spouse can enjoy. Remember, don't let the flame that your relationship started out with die a premature death. Never stop stoking the fire of your marriage!
Its' All About You
Selfishness does not have the ability to thrive in a healthy and loving relationship. It creates a lazy thinking process because you only invest time thinking about what affects you, what happens to you and how can things be better for you. You spend no time considering your spouse's feelings and no time considering his/her happiness. Bottom line, it can spell disaster for your marriage.
Take Your Spouse for Granted
When was the last time you said, "Thank you" to your spouse? If it's been a long time then chances are your spouse is feeling unappreciated. So your husband loves to get under the hood of your car and do maintenance repairs for you. Even though he loves doing it, your husband should still be hearing words of appreciation from you. So your wife loves to cook every day. Again, if though she loves doing it, your wife should still be hearing words of appreciation from you. Whether you say it in words or through actions showing your appreciation makes your spouse feel valued in the best ways. Don't forget to give compliments also!
Let Appearance Go
Remember when you first met your spouse and you would spend time making sure you looked good and making sure unwanted hair wasn't hanging around? Well, no matter how long you have been married these things should still be done. If you are guilty of any of the things I listed below, you should consider making some immediate changes.
- You have not shaved in months on body parts that you used to never let get out of control.
- Your usual attire everyday is sweat or yoga pants or maybe even clothes from the day before.
- You've gained excess weight and you have no plans on doing anything about it.
- You go out in public with pajamas on, often. (Yes I have seen this with my own eyes)
- You and lotion have not met up in a long, long time.
- Dandruff is a part of your hairstyle every day.
- You have forgotten what it means to dress sexy
Communication Is All But Non-existent
Now this is a huge concern. I say this because your marriage success has a lot to do with the communication levels that you two have. But, when laziness kicks in and no effort is put in to communicate about things other than bills and children, then marriage success becomes that much harder to accomplish. I have found that good communication:
- It allows for true understanding of each other. With knowledge comes understanding.
- It throws assumptions out the window. There are no guessing games to play about how the other is feeling or thinking.
- It allows for husband and wife to become the best of friends.
Lack of Initiating Sex
Can you remember the last time you and your spouse had sex? Or the last time you initiated sex? Well if you cannot remember then there is definitely some laziness that has take root and should be addressed immediately. Now I know that not all married couples can have sex as often as they would like. For example, I know that military couples and couples experiencing health issues may not have the ability to have sex regularly. But, if these concerns are not in your marriage, addressing lack of sex should be a priority.
Can't Remember the Last Time You and Your Spouse Went On a Date
I am without a doubt an advocate of Date Night. It is important and hugely necessary for happy and successful marriages. I say this because Date Night opens doors for communication, fun and romantic times with your spouse. It allows time for just the two of you to connect without any interruptions from the kids, work and other distractions. So if its been a long time since you and your spouse went on a date, start making plans immediately to change that!
Nagging Is Okay With You
Communication on this level is lazy and never a good thing in marriage or any relationship for that matter. It creates a wall of resentment that brings negative and damaging emotions to the table every day of your marriage. Nagging has the ability to shake the confidence of your spouse and creates insecurities that you would be the cause of.
Keep a Dirty House
Now I know firsthand how hard it can be to keep a clean house when you have kids, married and working on a career. But, if you hope to have any type of organization and order to your house, than cleanliness has to be a priority in you and your spouse's lives. Be honest, doesn't coming home from work to a tidy home make you feel a little better about all those hours you have put in?
Cannot Remember Your Wedding Anniversary Date
I've seen it on television many times over the years. A husband or wife forgets their wedding anniversary. Then the forgetful spouse goes crazy trying to either make up for forgetting or trying to pretend that they did not forget by making last minute gift purchases for their spouse. Either way, hurt feelings are almost guaranteed when the truth comes out. Why go through all of that? So avoid all that confusion by doing what is necessary to remember the date that you said the words "I Do" to your spouse.